About a month or so ago I went through one of the hardest trials that I have ever had to face. I have never experienced anything like this before and it was really scary. I'm not going to go into all the details, but I do feel lead to share some of what I went through. My anxiety was at it's all time high, I literally thought that I was going insane. I thought, "Yep, this is it! I'm crazy! I'm done for!" The devil had never fought me like he was fighting me then. It was a constant day and night thing. I was losing sleep and not able to hardly eat anything leading to weight loss. I remember calling my Mamaw what had to have been at least three times a day crying and having her pray for me. It was the scariest thing. I would lay there with the Bible on top of my head and listening to Gospel music.
My Mom would pray with me and I would be constantly praying. I honestly did not feel like myself, I had lost my joy. I didn't tell many people about what I was going through because I didn't want them to think that I was crazy. I was constantly in the altar seeking the Lord, but it seemed the more I did the devil would just fight me even more and even harder. I thought God why are you not delivering me from this? I started to feel as if God wasn't hearing my prayers, almost like I couldn't feel God. I talked to someone who had went through a similar thing and I could have never imagined how much that would help me. I was reminded of the story of Job how he had literally everything taken from him and he still gave praise to the Lord. In a way I felt as if I had many things taken away from me - my peace, my joy, my meaning. I made up my mind that no matter how long I face this battle through it all I am going to give praise to the Lord.
Before all of this happened I was praying for God's direction in my life (I still am). I wanted to know what my calling was, what it was that he wanted me to do. The devil really began to fight me about this telling me that I was a nobody and God couldn't possibly use me like he used other people. I couldn't sing or play instruments, my family didn't sing and travel. The only thing I was relatively good at was art and how in the world could God use me through my art? This really started to get to me, I felt so sad, like God was never going to use me. I am still praying and seeking God's will in my life, but I eventually had to just tell the devil to leave me alone! I believe that God has a plan for everyone's life, and I truly believe that God allowed me to go through this trial to help others that may be going through the same thing. I can testify that through it all I now feel closer to the Lord than I have ever been and I give him praise for that!!! I would like to end this with scripture: Proverbs 16:9 says " A man's heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps." Psalms 56:1-4 says 1"Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me. 2 "Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most high." 3 "What time am I afraid, I will trust in thee." 4 "In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me."
Fear is a Liar!!
