Fear is A Liar

      About a month or so ago I went through one of the hardest trials that I have ever had to face. I have never experienced anything like this before and it was really scary. I'm not going to go into all the details, but I do feel lead to share some of what I went through. My anxiety was at it's all time high, I literally thought that I was going insane. I thought, "Yep, this is it! I'm crazy! I'm done for!" The devil had never fought me like he was fighting me then. It was a constant day and night thing. I was losing sleep and not able to hardly eat anything leading to weight loss. I remember calling my Mamaw what had to have been at least three times a day crying and having her pray for me. It was the scariest thing.  I would lay there with the Bible on top of my head and listening to Gospel music.
       My Mom would pray with me and I would be constantly praying. I honestly did not feel like myself, I had lost my joy. I didn't tell many people about what I was going through because I didn't want them to think that I was crazy.  I was constantly in the altar seeking the Lord, but it seemed the more I did the devil would just fight me even more and even harder. I thought God why are you not delivering me from this? I started to feel as if God wasn't hearing my prayers, almost like I couldn't feel God. I talked to someone who had went through a similar thing and I could have never imagined how much that would help me. I was reminded of the story of Job how he had literally everything taken from him and he still gave praise to the Lord. In a way I felt as if I had many things taken away from me - my peace, my joy, my meaning. I made up my mind that no matter how long I face this battle through it all I am going to give praise to the Lord.
     Before all of this happened I was praying for God's direction in my life (I still am).  I wanted to know what my calling was, what it was that he wanted me to do. The devil really began to fight me about this telling me that I was a nobody and God couldn't possibly use me like he used other people. I couldn't sing or play instruments, my family didn't sing and travel. The only thing I was relatively good at was art and how in the world could God use me through my art? This really started to get to me, I felt so sad, like God was never going to use me. I am still praying and seeking God's will in my life, but I eventually had to just tell the devil to leave me alone! I believe that God has a plan for everyone's life, and I truly believe that God allowed me to go through this trial to help others that may be going through the same thing.  I can testify that through it all I now feel closer to the Lord than I have ever been and I give him praise for that!!! I would like to end this with scripture: Proverbs 16:9 says " A man's heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps."  Psalms 56:1-4 says 1"Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me. 2 "Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most high." 3 "What time am I afraid, I will trust in thee." 4 "In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me."

Fear is a Liar!!       

Everlasting Love

       

           As many of you probably know next week is Valentine's Day, and Valentine's Day is a day full of love and gratefulness. I know when we all first think about Valentine's Day we think about  couples, romance, chocolate, flowers and love letters.  All of those things are truly wonderful in their own way, and it's really easy to get caught up in all of the excitement of Valentine's Day.   Maybe in your life right now having a boyfriend or girlfriend might seem like the biggest deal in the world.  To some you can feel a little down because you don't have that special someone in your life. You might get a little sad when you see all the cute couples and big teddy bears in the stores. But I am here to tell you about a bigger and better love.

          Yes romance can be a sweet and special thing but that's not all we should be celebrating this Valentine's Day. Real love died for us on that old rugged cross many many years ago. That real love is never ending and can not be taken away from us. One of the most well known scriptures in the Bible is John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Have you ever thought about why this is such a well known verse?  I think that this scripture is so well known because as humans we can't fathom a love so strong and so deep but yet it exists. Real love sent his only Son to die so that we could live.

        Real love is knowing that someone is always there looking over you, hearing and taking care of your every need. No matter how big or how small it matters to God. Isn't it just so amazing that He is always there and that he has never once left us? That is everlasting and true love. So this Valentine's Day while you are celebrating and waiting for the day after Valentine's Day so you can buy the discounted candy ( Okay just me?) I want you to think about and remember what real, true, everlasting love is and what it means to you.

Overthinking is my Enemy

               If you're anything like me than you probably overthink way too much. Seriously it's awful being this way. I will be lying in bed unable to sleep because I'm thinking about something awkward I did or said seven years ago. I honestly think text messages are one of the worst things ever to be invented.  Seriously, how are you supposed to tell how someone is saying something or their tone of voice through text!?!?!(And don't even get me started on phone calls)I started to let this take over my life. I was always thinking that everyone hated me and that was one of my worst fears because I want everyone to like me. I once had this awful teacher who for some reason hated me and it really tore me up inside. Everyday I would try to think of some reason that this teacher might have for hating me because I just had to fix it. I tore myself to pieces trying to fix this trying to get her to like me. One day I just had enough and had to be switched out of that class. It broke my heart that someone didn't like me. My Mom would have to ( and still does ) remind me that everyone is not going to like you. If we've ever had a conversation odds are that I've replayed that conversation over in my head 50 times making sure I didn't sound stupid.
          Usually when I go out to a public place like for example a restaurant I think to myself  "Are people staring at me? Are they talking about what I'm wearing?" And if someone compliments me it's hard for me to take that compliment without thinking things like: "Were they being sarcastic? Were they making fun of me?" I started to see a common theme with all these things, I was trying to change myself for other people. I was so caught up in worrying if people liked me and what they thought of me that I ended up losing myself along the way. I let it keep me from doing certain things and from being myself. I'm not saying that you should just go around doing anything you want without keeping others in my mind but I am saying don't let others hold you back and from living your life for the Lord. I still struggle with overthinking but I've came a long way and here's a couple of things I have learned:

 #1 Not everyone that you come across in your life is going to like you and that's just life. I know at times that this can be very hard to deal with and accept but it's something we all have to come across at least once in our lives.

#2 Who are really trying to please? At the end of the day does it really matter if little Bobby down the road likes you or if you are pleasing the Lord and doing his work? We are not living this life for other people, we're not even living this life for ourselves but we're living to glorify him to bring him honor and to praise him everyday.

         When I meet new people it's the worst because I beat myself up trying to get them to like me. First impressions tend to stick and it usually terrifies me that I made a bad one. I just recently went on a small trip over the weekend to meet some people I've never met in person before. I literally almost made myself sick worrying over if they were going to like me or not.  Just trying to say the right words and not to embarrass myself. Now, thinking back at that it seems kind of silly but it's honestly how I felt. I don't have many talents but one that strongly stands out is the ability for my face to turn red at nothing in a matter of seconds. Honestly you could probably ask me what I had for lunch last week and my face would turn red. The thought of attention makes me want to crawl under a table. I can feel when my face turns red and there is always that one delightful person who has to point out that it's turning red thus making your face turn even more red.  I have to remind myself that " Doesn't everyone have their awkward and embarrassing moments? Just maybe some of us more than others *Cough Cough* Cydney ( The girl who once fell out of a booth a Texas Road House ).
            If you go through some of these same things than here are a few Great scriptures to help you:

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." -Joshua 1:9

33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." - Matthew 6:33-34 

I just want to remind you that you are not alone and you never will be! Trust me I've had more than my share of times where I felt completely alone, but we're not! We are Princessess or (Princes) of the One True King! I pray whom ever reads this gets a little something out of this or knows someone that will! Love you guys so Much! 

Everything A Christian Girl Should Be

     1. Every Christian Girl should have a humble and kind spirit
We all have our bad days trust me I know, and that's understandable. But being humble and kind is so much more than holding the door open for someone or helping them carry a heavy package.Being humble and kind is remembering our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ died for us willingly and he had us on his mind the whole time! That never ceases to amaze me that while he was hanging on the rugged cross he was thinking about me, I am nothing and he is everything! We must remember that we're all equal at the foot of the cross. We need to treat others with kindness and have compassion towards others, be WILLING to serve. Be zealous for Christ and show others that there is a cause worth fighting for, show them that they are loved not only by you but by Christ. When you pass people in the store or at school sometimes you can just tell by their faces that there is an emptiness in their life, pray for thar person-Love that person.

2. Stand Strong in Your Faith
It's a tough world out there and I know it's hard and people can be cruel.  As a young lady getting ready to enter college I know how harsh it is out there.  I am nothing without my faith, it's one of the reasons I've made it through school.  I used to just say a quick prayer before I went to sleep and read my Bible every once and a while.  What really helped me was taking the time to actually sit down to read and study my Bible.  Using a journal to help me study the Bible and to take notes helped me tremendously. I realized that my prayer life was no where it needed to be. I would just say a little prayer before I went to sleep and I thought that was alright. I started to get down beside my bed and pray and I prayed for things like my family and school to things like my future husband. I love being able to sit down and talk to God, it's my safe place and my happy place. I know how hard it is to stand strong for your faith especially at school when now a days everything is so wretched, trust me as a young person going into college soon I know the feeling way too well. All I can tell you is to pray to God to give you the strength and the courage to take a stand and lead others to Christ.

This was a short post but it's something that's been on my mind lately. I pray that it helps you in some way.  I love being able to talk about God and just being a small fraction of faith that someone sees.

My Anxiety Story

    I've struggled with anxiety for a long time. It's not something I talk about a lot, and I try to hide it the best that I can. I can remember the first time I had a panic attack like it was yesterday. I was laying in my bed getting ready to go to sleep. I had been having trouble falling asleep. as I was trying to go to sleep, and all of a sudden this panic feeling washed over me. I honestly felt like I was dying, and I didn't know what to do.

     It was the middle of the night but I ran into my mom's room crying and shaking. She woke up asking what was wrong. I told her what had happened and that I felt like I needed to go to the emergency room. She wrapped me in her arms and I asked her to pray for me. I had never been so scared in my life. She prayed for me and explained to me that I was having a panic attack.For the next couple of months I had more panic attacks, and constantly felt anxious. I didn't want anyone to know because I thought they would think I was insane, which is honestly how I felt.

     Sometimes I would have panic attacks because of certain situations. But sometimes I would get them for no reason, like I would be walking in Walmart and suddenly have a panic attack. I would feel like I couldn't breathe and my chest would hurt. This feeling of panic set in and I would just have to stop. I would pray and sing a gospel song and that would usually help it go away.

      Even though I knew my mom struggled with anxiety along with other friends and family I still felt alone. I felt helpless like nothing was in my control anymore. I constantly worried about being alone and having a panic attack. I hated feeling helpless, I couldn't sleep and constantly felt anxious.This took a toll on me. I just wanted to feel normal again.

     One day I was at church and someone prayed for me. God just gave me this indescribable peace. he reminded me that He is bigger than everything, and that He has never left me and never will. I finally felt normal and better again! I was so happy and joyous I will never forget the feeling of peace knowing he is with me and that I AM NOT ALONE.

      I still have panic attacks occasionally and still feel anxious at times. But God has helped me overcome this so much! Even though I still have anxiety I know that I am not alone and that HE IS BIGGER!

     I wouldn't wish the feeling of anxiety on anyone. I just really felt lead to write this and have wanted to for a while now. I am so glad that I have finally got to post about it! If you struggle with anxiety or panic attacks I just want you to know that you're not alone! There is hope and peace, I pray  that my story has helped you. Even if one person reads this and it helps them in some way, my prayers have been answered and it was worth it!

    I love you all so much and if you take the time to read my posts, it means more to me than you will ever know!

         Here are some scriptures to help with Anxiety:
   1 Peter 5:10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle [you].

1  Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now The Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord [be] with you all.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

I interviewed one of my closest friends Jessica, and I first asked her this question: What do you see when you look in the mirror? This was her response:

I usually judge myself too hard because I tend to compare myself to other girls that I know who are gorgeous, which I know is not right at all. I have to constantly remind myself that Jesus made me look like me and that I should be thankful for that. I could be the most gorgeous girl on the outside but I would much rather be beautiful on the inside;it will show on the outside. Looks aren't everything and I tend to worry about them way too much. I am praying for Jesus to help me with that and He is each day.

I asked myself the same question:
I've honestly had days where I didn't even want to look in the mirror because I would just stand there  picking out ever little thing that I thought was wrong with myself. I didn't even want to take pictures with anyone, because I would just look back at those pictures and wanting to cry. Comparing myself to other girls and making myself depressed. I really had to pray hard to realize that by comparing myself to others I was just letting the devil get to me, and letting him feed my insecurities. If you truly are a beautiful person inside, your inner beauty will shine bright and show through. Psalms 139:14 says I will praise thee; for I am fearfully [and] wonderfully made: marvelous [are] thy works; and [that] my soul knoweth right. This is one of my favorite scriptures because it reminds me that God made me for a reason. That I am beautiful, one of a kind and created by the most magnificent artists of them all.

I hope I helped at least one person, by sharing our own personal stories and for you to know you're not alone. There is a God above greater than any insecurities or fears that you may have.

Your Light

           I think what really scared me most about modesty was standing out.  Being modest today you're definitely going to stand out. Now I am the kind of person who will go to any length not to draw too much attention to myself. Just walking to the front of a room to get a tissue makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack because I know someone will glance up at me. The thing about being modest though is there is this unspoken respect that you get, people may not agree with you but they will respect your decisions. Now in your life there is going to be a person who sees your modesty and will have some nice comments about it, but to me that just tells me that they noticed that you were different not only in dress but in spirit. You know that song we all used to sing as a kid; "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!" You can be that light to others in this terrible wicked world. Modesty can lead to you being a witness to others without saying a word. 
John 8:12-20

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